These are Charlie’s words:

I”ve just spent ten days with my 89 year old parents, preparing them to move to a senior citizens home. Wow, what a roller coaster ride!

My father was angrier and more abusive than I’ve seen him in ages.

When he wasn’t lashing out at me he was giving a hard time to my mom, the dog, and the neighbors, who had come over to walk the dog.

Needless to say, it wasn’t easy being around such behaviour, but I definitely extracted some high quality learning from the experience.

it didn’t take me long to realize my father was frightened.

Frightened of dying? Yes, that’s likely.

But more so, I began to realize he was terrified my mom might die first and leave him on his own.

No small fear for a guy who after sixty-three years of having the same bureau, still doesn’t know which drawer his clean socks reside in! And don’t dare ask him to operate the washing machine. He looks at the dials as if they’re written in a foreign language.

On one hand he’s a despot.
On the other hand he’s so helpless.
At times frightening, and even revolting
But then again, he can also be so “cute”

By seeing, and to some extent feeling, my father’s fear, I was able to generate a deeper level of compassion for him. Compassion for a man who knows he’s losing control, and uses anger as a way to keep himself from feeling.

As a child, I was beaten many times by this very same man.

It’s forty-three years now since the last time my father physically punished me. Yet this is the first time I’ve had a clear realization of just how scared he was, and has been his whole life. This is the first time I realize that even then, he was afraid of losing control, and used anger as a way to keep himself away from feeling.

Beating me was his strategy for transferring the fear he felt, onto someone else. His strategy for exorcising his fear.

It’s no small point to note that exorcising and exercising are two very different activities!

Today, I could see my father’s trapped in the jail he’s built.
Unable to admit to himself what he did, he’s unable to admit to others.

Unable to forgive himself, he’s unable to say he’s sorry.

Unable to rationalize what he did, he remains stuck in a state of denial.

Being both prisoner and guard.
He’s in possession of the lock and the key.

With little idea of what freedom would be like,
And unsure that he deserves to be set free.

So I’ve decided to take the initiative, and truly forgive him, for the both of us.

To give him that much more of a chance to free his soul, before he passes.

To give myself that much more of a chance to free my soul before he passes.

Forgiveness and freedom go hand in hand. The more you forgive, the less of the past you’ll need to drag along with you, into the present.

When you’re able to “only be here” you wind up discovering life is everything you’ve always hoped it would be!

Do I condone what my father did to me? No way!. I would never want to condone any parent beating their child.

It’s important to remember though, that “forgiving” and “condoning” don’t at all need to go hand in hand.

Forgiveness is a selfish act. The more you forgive, the happier you’ll become. Believe me, it’s well worth the effort!

Yours in freedom,
Charlie

Copyright

“Pure Heart, Simple Mind”(tm) is written and edited by Charlie Badenhop (c). All rights reserved. If you would like to subscribe to the Seishindo newsletter please go to the following link.
http://www.seishindo.org/newsletter.html

Charlie Badenhop
Arati Co. Ltd.
2-23-20-101 Maruyama, Nakano-ku,
Tokyo 165-0021, Japan
http://www.seishindo.org

These are Charlie’s words:

Recently, I had the pleasure and honor of meeting Senta Yamada sensei for the first time.

What follows is a loose translation of Yamada sensei’s words, embroidered by the “larger picture” I sensed he was pointing towards. Uncharacteristically for a Japanese person, he moved his hands as he spoke, to portray the movements he perceived as inherent in the mind of Aikido and the mind of water. You might try doing the same as you read the words that follow. Take your time, breathe freely, and move your body so as to feel the movement and mind the words suggest.
———————
Water unites all the world’s land masses, large and small, connecting what is seemingly separate, distant, and different into one seamless spherical whole.

In Aikido we strive to embody the mind of water.
We cultivate our energy flow to “become one with” our perceived adversaries and adversities, dissolving any sense of separation, distance, or difference.
We might “move away from”, but we do not “run away from”.
Even when we move away from, we eventually return.

Water not only joins together the land masses of earth,
It also unites the earth with the sky, via never ending cycles of evaporation and precipitation. This process of never staying the same, mirrors the path human beings follow, between heaven, earth, and heaven.
Becoming, being, dying. Life, death, and recycle.

Water expands and contracts depending on circumstances, and the same is true of the human spirit.
When you’re harsh to a child, their spirit tends to contract.
When you love a child, their spirit expands-
Out past the two of you, and into the universe.

The presence of water throughout the ecosystem of earth, is similar to the presence of the body’s fluid system, enveloping and uniting the cells and tissue of the body.
The mind of water, the mind of the body’s fluid system, and the mind of Aikido, all have similar intention.
Moving with, joining with, nurturing, cleansing, renewing.
When everything is experienced as “One” there is no disease, no attack, no separation, death, or destruction.

Rain, mist, steam, dew, snow, ice- Water in all its various manifestations, has a spherical mind. This mind of roundness is a key principle in the mind of non-dissension.

In Aikido we project a full round presence to our adversary and flow with their movements. We offer no hard surfaces to bump up against, and nothing to grab hold of. We encourage our adversaries to follow their course of action to its likely outcome, in the same way water follows the path of gravity downhill. Moving always towards center, until the time for renewal and rising up again.

Regardless of the obstacles encountered water does not stop.
It does not give up.
It does however rest and wait for the proper circumstances··· an opening.

Water joins with, is absorbed by, and surrounds.
It does not strive to act separately, but is moved by··· the forces of nature.

This mind of endless effortless rest, renewal, and movement;
As calm when doing, as when simply being.

Realizing the end of every journey is a new beginning,
We experience every destination as temporary,
Every goal as cyclical.

Beginning complete, we remain complete.

With nowhere to go,
No need to “have to”,
Nothing to fulfill,
Except our destiny.

Our destination of returning is never in question.

SENTA YAMADA
Senta Yamada was born in Fukuoka, Japan in 1924, and he is the founder and principle teacher of “Kikusui Kai”.

He began to practice Judo in middle school, and received his 1st Dan at the age of 16. He became an outstanding competitive judoka, eventually reaching the rank of 6th dan under the founder of Judo, Dr Jigaro Kano.

Yamada sensei’s name appears alongside the famous in the historic Sekiryu kan Dojo, as one who completed the session of 1000 throws.

Dr Kano sent Yamada sensei to study Aikido with Morihei Ueshiba Sensei after World War II. As a live-in student he began private training with the founder in Wakayama Prefecture.

In 1959 Yamada sensei went to England to teach Judo but instead introduced Tomiki Aikido to the UK. In 1961 he first published his book “THE ANCIENT SECRETS OF AIKIDO”, this was reprinted in 1962 and then revised and reprinted in 2004. His book published jointly with Alex Macintosh in 1966, “The Principles and Practice of Aikido”, was the first extensive presentation of Tomiki Aikido in the English language and is currently out of print.

Yamada sensei left England in 1965 leaving his original students (to name a few) John Waite, John Wilkinson, John Gay, Jim Elkin, Bill Lawrence, George Chew, Alex Macintosh, Eric Domini and later Loi Lee to carry forward his inspiration.

Since those early days Yamada sensei has been involved in several projects of humanitarian aid to people in countries which need help. He is currently involved in helping the government of Sri Lanka feed it’s people and grow it’s economy by providing information on new farming techniques being used in Japan that are designed to increase crop yields.

He has set up a Dojo there, where students study, regularly train, and enjoy the benefits of his unique style of Aikido.

He has returned to England many times since the sixties and everyone who has the opportunity to meet him comes away feeling blessed to have met, such a great yet peaceful and humble “gentle” man.

Copyright

“Pure Heart, Simple Mind”(tm) is written and edited by Charlie Badenhop (c). All rights reserved. If you would like to subscribe to the Seishindo newsletter please go to the following link.
http://www.seishindo.org/newsletter.html

Charlie Badenhop
Arati Co. Ltd.
2-23-20-101 Maruyama, Nakano-ku,
Tokyo 165-0021, Japan
http://www.seishindo.org

especially the willows and honey locust,
equally the beech, the oaks and the pines,
they give off such hints of gladness.
I would almost say they save me, and daily.

I am so distant from the hope of myself,
in which I have goodness and discernment,
and never hurry through the world
but walk slowly, and bow often.

Around me the trees stir in their leaves
and call out, “Stay awhile.”
The light flows from their branches.

And they call again, “It’s simple,” they say,
“and you too have come
into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled
with light, and to shine.”

in gratitude,

pete

2. In 1994, I participated in a work mission to Haiti. Papa Doc was not long gone and I remember distinctly seeing black rings on roads. These were the scars left by tires being burned as part of protests and also used in the deaths of some of Papa Docs vicious army the Ton Ton Macoute. It was amazing to see policemen carrying sub-machine guns.

We worked in 100 degree heat, under Haitian supervision, to build 14×14 concrete rooms which were to be teachers’ living quarters. The school was not much more than two rooms with plain benches and a blackboard in each. There were no bathrooms. Students ducked behind a corrugated 4×8 piece of tin, leaned against a tree, to do their business.

3. In 1995, I was chosen by UNICEF to visit China in order to assess their educational technology progress and to provide a draft plan on how to move forward. I met many wonderful people on this trip and quickly realized that many of the solutions that we had in the U.S. would not scale to meet the challenges of a country as large as China. I met teachers in schools around the country who would rush to my side to speak with me in English because they were English teachers who had never heard the language spoken by a native person.

4. I lived in the Adirondack mountains for nearly 10 years. Winters were long, and cold; but the small town I lived, and the school I taught in were great places. I started with 18 other new teachers from all over New York State. We learned together, taught together, and played together. It was a wonderful cadre of friends and it wasn’t unusual to spend our summers or weekends helping each other build our homes from scratch. Being ‘handy’ was definitely an Adirondack thing. We skied, hiked, boated, fished, swam, and explored. I heated with wood for more than a year when renovating an old house I bought.

5. I am a certified master somatic coach. What the heck is that? It’s an approach to self development that uses the body as a major key for learning. A simple way to experience this is to stand up and put your head down so that you are staring at your feet, round your shoulders. Take a moment to sense how this makes you feel. What emotions or sensations does it bring? Now, stand up straight. Hold out your chin, pull your shoulders back; how does that make you feel. Very different, right? This is just an inkling of what is possible if we pay attention to our bodies and our breath. The way we hold ourselves and the way we move are reflections of our inner state. Change the way we hold ourselves and we change who we are.

Well, I think 5 things for the meme is good for today. It was an interesting exercise for me and I thank Heidi for tagging me.

pete

PEACE

“Your life is a reflection of you.”

Now that seems innocuous enough; but there is more to it than meets the eye. What I believe he is saying is that if your life has lots of drama, conflict, frustration, and anger. It’s a reflection…not of others; but of you.

Wow! Now that hit a nerve!

For the last month or so, I have found myself with a bit of a negative outlook. I’ve been complaining about some of the folks in the consulting engagements I’m leading. I can feel myself getting increasingly frustrated with the dysfunction I am finding in so many schools and school districts. I’m discouraged with the pace of educational change, and I have been more easily drawn into non-productive conversations.

Is this all a reflection of me?

I think it is. I have been out of touch with my daily leadership practices, so I find myself more easily falling back to my old and familiar, automatic behaviors. These old habits of thought and action don’t work for me anymore. In fact, when just a tiny bit of my old self-righteousness or arrogance shows up, it creates a big mess.

In truth, I have been restless with the pace of my own personal change. I keep getting close to breaking through with a book I am writing and then I choose to let myself get distracted with lots of commitments and consulting. Weeks go by and the book slips out of sight, except that my inner voice won’t let it disappear completely. The more I ignore it, the more I am aware of it. Sounds crazy; but that’s the way it is for me.

So, it’s a vicious cycle. If I let it, my mood gets very self-critical.

Which leads me back to ‘life as a mirror’. Is it any wonder that, when I am frustrated with myself, that I would express frustration with others? And, if I feel negative and discouraged with my own pace of change, that my dealings with others would mirror that negativity and discouragement? Yes, I believe the conflicts and the drama I am experiencing in my life right now, are simply expressions of my own inner drama. It is my own inner ‘critic’ wreaking its familiar havoc.

I know better than to let this happen, I guess that is part of my frustration. It’s so easy to blame the folks that seem so dysfunctional, because in some cases, they ARE. It’s easy to blame the bureaucracy of schools because they ARE bureaucratic and slow to change. It’s easy to blame the administrators who manage rather than lead, because there are so many of them.

All these problems and issues are very real. They exist on their own; but how I choose to deal with them is MY choice. I can be critical, angry, negative and discouraged; which creates conflict and closes doors; or I can choose to deal with these issues with an open heart, with understanding, self-confidence, and gratitude… which opens doors.

Fortunately, I can choose to take a different path at any time. Yesterday, I began my leadership practices again. I believe it was the return to those practices that opened the way for me to write this reflection. Each new day, each moment, is an opportunity to make a different choice for myself. I think that that is extremely empowering and filled with hope.

It’s very easy to get lost on our journey. Sometimes all we need to do is look in the mirror, the mirror that Deepak Chopra talked about… the mirror that is our life, for clues to locate ourselves in our travels.

pete

For some villages the light from the XO is their only source of light. If you browse around on YouTube you will find homemade contraptions built from scraps by villagers to charge the batteries.

Education can change the world!

If you’re interested in helping go to Amazon and participate in the “Buy 1 – Get One!” promotion. Buy one for a child in a third world country and get one yourself. Amazon is providing free shipping and it is a tax deductible purchase here in the U.S.

I am amazed that Nicholas Negroponte, of MIT, and a dozen or so passionate believers were able to hold a vision this big and to bring it to reality. Imagine what Silicon Valley or the US government could do if it was motivated the way these dozen or so people are.

Can you imagine the naysayers? A $100 laptop? Are you crazy? A laptop for every child in the world?

I feel blessed to be able to help this dream become reality.

pete

“I’m an honest person and have always thought of myself as having integrity. I mean, relatively speaking. I mean I’m not honest all the time and sometimes I veer from my values and beliefs; but compared to some other people I know, I have much more integrity.”

Ah! herein lies the core of today’s post. My quote is a story I tell myself to rationalize my shortcomings in the area of integrity and honesty. The minute I start comparing myself to others, I am abandoning my own accountability for integrity. The minute I say I have integrity “BUT”, I am moving away from integrity.

My definition of integrity is ‘acting in alignment with my beliefs and values’. If I value honesty and then I cheat on my taxes, pad my resume, exaggerate my accomplishments, tell someone I am not upset when I really am…I am out of integrity.

If I say I’ll pay someone on the first of the month and I pay on the 12th and I rationalize it because I have been busy and other people delay their payments until much later than that, I am out of integrity.

It has as much to do with little things as big things.

If I value my health and believe that taking care of my body is an important part of being a leader, and yet after Aikido training on certain mornings I cross the street and go to the little breakfast place for a high calorie Danish and coffee, I am out of integrity. I rationalize my actions by telling myself a nice story… I had a good workout and deserve the reward. Does it hurt anyone? No. Is it a big thing? No. Should I beat myself up about it? No. Would I like to be more deliberate about my breakfast choices? Yes!

I believe in a clean environment but as I rush past a corner trashcan and shoot a balled up paper bag at it and miss, I keep going. I tell myself, that normally I’d pick it up; but today I’m late and there are so many people in the crowd, and it’s just one small piece of garbage, and I’m really pretty religious about being neat with my trash, and there’s plenty of other people’s garbage blowing around the street, and on, and on, and on.

Now, it may seem I am beating myself up about little things. It may seem like this is an exercise in negativity and self-criticism; but it isn’t. It is nothing more than waking up and becoming aware of the constant stream of stories I tell myself from moment to moment throughout the day. It is through the recognition that these stories are rationalizations that I start to breakdown their power.

I am a human being. I am not perfect. On the other hand, I want to continue to grow my integrity.

To be in integrity is to be deliberate about one’s actions.

So, armed with this awareness, every moment is a chance to choose to act in ways that are in integrity with my beliefs and values. I can choose to listen to the person standing in front of me, or I can let my mind slip into thinking about what is next on my schedule and pretend that I am listening by nodding my head and saying “Hmm!”

I can be angry and frustrated with someone’s behavior and make believe nothing is wrong while letting the anger and frustration cloud my behaviors, or I can choose to have the courage to speak with them about it.

Integrity builds trust, both in ourselves and in others.

It helps if we can wake up to the stories that we tell ourselves to rationalize where we are not in integrity. Once we are aware, we can decide to be more deliberate about the choices we make.

The more often our values and beliefs align with our actions, the more we feel the power of integrity. It is from here that we live a life that is ‘centered’ and ‘grounded’. It is from here that we can say…

…I am living life on purpose.

pete

A curious boy asks an old soldier
Sitting in front of the grocery store,
“How did you lose your leg?”
And the old soldier is struck with silence,
Or his mind flies away
Because he cannot concentrate it on Gettysburg.
It comes back jocosely
And he says, “A bear bit it off.”
And the boy wonders, while the old soldier
Dumbly, feebly lives over
The flashes of guns, the thunder of cannon,
The shrieks of the slain,
And himself lying on the ground,
And the hospital surgeons, the knives,
And the long days in bed.
But if he could describe it all
He would be an artist.
But if he were an artist there would be deeper wounds
Which he could not describe.

There is the silence of a great hatred,
And the silence of a great love,
And the silence of a deep peace of mind,
And the silence of an embittered friendship,
There is the silence of a spiritual crisis,
Through which your soul, exquisitely tortured,
Comes with visions not to be uttered
Into a realm of higher life.
And the silence of the gods who understand each other without speech,
There is the silence of defeat.
There is the silence of those unjustly punished;

And the silence of the dying whose hand
Suddenly grips yours.
There is the silence between father and son,
When the father cannot explain his life,
Even though he be misunderstood for it.

There is the silence that comes between husband and wife.
There is the silence of those who have failed;
And the vast silence that covers
Broken nations and vanquished leaders.
There is the silence of Lincoln,
Thinking of the poverty of his youth.
And the silence of Napoleon
After Waterloo.
And the silence of Jeanne d’Arc
Saying amid the flames, “Blesséd Jesus”—
Revealing in two words all sorrow, all hope.
And there is the silence of age,
Too full of wisdom for the tongue to utter it
In words intelligible to those who have not lived
The great range of life.

And there is the silence of the dead.
If we who are in life cannot speak
Of profound experiences,
Why do you marvel that the dead
Do not tell you of death?
Their silence shall be interpreted
As we approach them.

- Edgar Lee Masters