Sometimes life seems to take over and I get swept away by the swift current of appointments, deadlines, commitments, and “to do” lists. When this happens I feel overwhelmed and anxious. I don’t feel grounded.
The first thing I realize is that it is I who have created this. It isn’t the demands of others, nor the business itself that creates my hectic schedule. It is me. I say ‘yes’ to requests, I make the commitments, the appointments, and yes, the stress. When I accept that I am accountable it makes it easier to change the pattern of overwhelm because all I have to do is change myself.
Should be easy, right? All I have to do is say ‘No’ more often, make commitments with due dates that are reasonable, and schedule appointments only when needed. However, like most things, there is a big difference between knowing what to do and actually doing it.
I like to use losing 10lbs as an example. We know how to do it. We need to skip a few of the in between meal snacks, eat better at meals, and exercise regularly. The problem is we tend to grab the cookie on the counter as we pass by, go for seconds at dinner, and drive by the gym on our way home.
What makes us say “Yes” to things when we know we should say “No”? For me, it varies. I want to have an identity with others that is caring, kind, and generous; and I fear that saying “No” would run counter to that image. The truth is, I AM caring, kind, and generous. If I truly believe that, then saying “No” won’t change my identity with others.
Saying “No” can be uncomfortable. I have been taught to put others ahead of myself and it seems like a selfish thing to turn someone away so that I have time for myself. Keeping a balance in my life is not selfish, it is critical to my effectiveness and success. When I am balanced, my purpose, values, and beliefs align with my actions. There is room in my life for family, friends, books, writing, Aikido, meditation…all the things that, along with work, fuel my heart and soul. If I do not pay attention to myself, I bring less and less to others.
Another way to look at this is to think about value. If I do not value myself, my time, or my talents, then others will not value me either. I will be taken for granted, just as I take myself for granted.
Knowing that I am accountable for my overwhelm, being deliberate about the commitments I make, having the courage to say “No” when necessary, valuing myself and my time, and understanding the importance of balance to my overall effectiveness as a leader…is the foundation and ground from which I create a new way of being in the world.
pete
